Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Stupid girl

For hoping when I should have known better.
Good news is for others.
Why did I dare to think otherwise?

I hadn't written about it because this time I was trying to do everything differently. Because this time it was different. Different eggs, different clinic, different process....and maybe, just maybe, different results.

Well my secret cycle is over.
My sister was a trooper. I'll never adequately be able to express my feelings of gratitude towards her. She endured the injections, the ultrasounds, the blood draws the retrieval without a single complaint. Her abdomen is bruised. Her arms resemble those of an addict. Her tiny veins are hard to find and required multiple painful jabs. On retrieval day it took 6 tries to hook up the IV.
The eggs were great.
The sperm was great.

They didn't count on my blackhole/toxic tarpit of a uterus to kill these embryos too.
But it did. It has. We confirmed that today.

So...advice on repeat implantation failure anyone?
Cause I am a complete loss.

18 Comments:

At 12:42 PM, Blogger zhl said...

Oh, Nina, you are not stupid to hope. Just so sorry that it didn't work. I hope you can find some answers.

 
At 12:57 PM, Anonymous Leggy said...

Damn- I'm sorry. I'm amazed that you were able to keep this all to yourself. How hard for you to keep this all bottled up.

 
At 1:03 PM, Anonymous Kay/Hanazono said...

No assvice about anything -- just so, so sorry that this cycle didn't work. My heart goes out to all three of you.

 
At 1:39 PM, Blogger Thalia said...

Oh Nina this just totally sucks. Un-fucking-believable. Thank goodness for wonderful sisters, although what a disaster that it didn't work. I don't know what to suggest, I will do some research.

 
At 1:48 PM, Blogger Millie said...

Oh, Nina, I'm so very very sorry. Without knowing a bit more (and not asking for more info), I'm not quite sure what to say. I think a negative donor cycle is a hell that no one prepares you for.

I will say that if you have some frosties, chances are good that you'd have success. Even the best odds with good eggs are only 65-70%, which means 30-35% chance of a negative. Cold comfort, I know.

Damn.

 
At 2:04 PM, Anonymous JMW said...

Hi there, I've been lurking here for a whle. So sorry to hear about this. I was wondering why you hadn't posted in a while, and so wish that you had been able to come back with better news.

At the risk of being absolutely infuriating, can I ask if you have been tested for autoimmune and clotting disorders? They can interfere with implantation and/or play a role in early miscarriage. But you probably already know that. Don't hate me for my assvice, I just hate the way this sucks for you!

 
At 2:04 AM, Blogger Drew said...

Nina I am so sorry.

But - bravo to both you and your sister for going through this together.

I have asked the same question myself - to various doctors, specialists, internet people..etc. Nobody can tell me except I continue to obsess over antibody issues and NK cells etc etc. But the technology just isn't available for me locally to look into.

I am still in shock that I had gotten pregnant, on my own, after 14 IVF cycles and 5 years worth of clomid and hormone injections. Every cycle was a nada.

One thing I did differently was I have been on Chinese herbs (not just for hormonal adjustments, but also for well being and for the immune system) for more than 6 months prior to conceiving. I took it religiously everyday. The Chinese doctor explained to me that it is all about rebalancing your body and make it healthy again. And maybe that was the reason why things were different for me - my doctor certainly thinks it helped.

My heart goes out to you. Please stay strong. Every cycle is different and every month is a fresh and unbiased opportunity. I will be thinking of you Endo-Sister.

 
At 8:23 AM, Blogger Krista said...

Oh Nina, my heart breaks for you. I so wish this had turned out differently.

 
At 9:10 AM, Anonymous Lynnette said...

I'm sorry, Nina. No more stealth cycles...we need to cheer you on. As far as implantation failure, I am a vocal proponent of hypercoaguability panels being run, (MTHFR, Factor V Leiden, APA, etc.) and E-tegrity (endometrial) biopsies being done to look for missing beta-3 integrins. Feel free to email me if you want. Take care of yourself...hugs.

 
At 11:19 AM, Blogger Erin (SmartyPants) said...

(((((MASSIVE HUGS)))))

 
At 3:47 PM, Blogger Zarqa said...

Wish I had a magic pill or even some magic advice, but, sadly, such things don't really exist. I'm sorry you had this disappointment and I applaud your sister for going through this with you. {hugs}

 
At 7:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shit. Sorry it didn't work, would love to hear that you had some frosties?

I went through a Miscarriage Management Program here that tested all the immune disorders - found out I have low ACA's, so heprin at transfer is what I was prescribed. This program also included an endometrial biopsy at around Day 24. Also, checked a bunch of dna stuff with Mr. S.

There must be a clinic running something similar in your neck of the woods?

 
At 3:38 AM, Blogger Lut C. said...

Somehow, it seems even more unfair and painful when a donor is involved. More people to feel the pain, or something of the sort.

 
At 12:28 PM, Blogger Teendoc said...

Nina,

I'm so sorry. I know some friends who faced this by hiring a gestational surrogate. I don't know where your head is on this, but I thought I'd put it out there.

 
At 5:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is incredibly heartbreaking, frustrating, and sad. My heart goes out to you.

 
At 3:12 PM, Blogger JennaM said...

Love to you, hubby, and sis. I wish I knew what else to say. I hope good things come your way soon, Nina!

 
At 1:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you had the thrombophilia testing done?

 
At 2:54 AM, Blogger Tina said...

hi!

I just happen to come across your blog. I'm sorry about the unsuccessful IVF procedures. I've been there and it's really devastating. I even had to test on Christmas day last year. Imagine the feeling when I got a BFN. It's like raining on someone's parade literally.

Anyway, you have asked about impantation failure. I have the same problem. Failed IVF and IUIs. Turned out hubby and I had an immunological problem. We were too alike that my body keeps rejecting the embryo. It may be different for you but just wanted to share with you my experience.

 

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