can we just get this over with?

I feel like crap. I've had the worst PMS possible for days now. I'm grumpy, bloated and eating everything in sight. I tested this morning and it came up negative.
I feel negative.
I know, I know. It's not over till beta.
Does anyone really believe that?
I think it's over. I'm not holding out much hope that the beta will show anything different.

I've really given this my best shot.
Four clinics, two countries, seven tries, six doctors.
Flare protocols, long protocols, Antagonists, IVM, co-culture, surgeries, HSGs. I have tried them all. It didn't work. I cannot do this anymore. Stick a fork in me cause I am done.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I've been tagged.
A little delayed....but here are six things you didn't need to know.

1. I am not religious but I am superstitious. I am convinced that I jinxed the whole babymaking thing because I bought a baby outfit when we first started trying. I’m always looking for good or bad signs. I don’t wear my bad luck jeans anymore (I was wearing them when my November cycle was cancelled). I could go on…

2. I am way too competitive. And I’m a sore loser. That’s a bad combination.

3. I love buying skincare and beauty products but I don’t use them. I’m a complete sucker for anything that has a ‘gift with purchase’ and will end up buying cleansers, toners, mascaras, lipsticks, lotions etc. which then sit on a shelf. I basically stick to soap & water. Our bathroom is a mini drugstore of unused products.

4. I have a huge collection of shampoos and conditioners stolen from hotel rooms (mostly Aveda…I don’t bother with the cheap stuff). Hey, when they charge me $200 for a hotel room I expect to be able to keep the shampoo. All this gets added to the collection of skincare and beauty products. I'm a little like those old women who lived through wars and then end up hoarding packets of sugar in their old age.

5. I live walking distance from work. On most days this is great since I really don't like to drive. On the days that I walk past the methadone clinic (with its waiting lines of strung out addicts accompanied by pregnant teenage girlfriends) it’s not so great. And if I take the route that takes me past the Baby Gap it’s not so great either. On days that it’s raining, or really cold outside I could do without the walk. Other than that, I love it.

6. I had a high tolerance for pain. I’m always cutting or burning myself because I use my bare hands to flip bacon or reach into the oven. Four of the IVF retrievals I did were without general anesthetic and I was amazed when they put me under for this latest one (had a very nice nap).I get annoyed though when other people are babies about cuts, burns or bruises.