Tuesday, November 08, 2005

les jeux sont faits

The news, she is not good.

I really thought I had hit some kind of new low point. But, incredibly, things have gone from bad to worse.
Oh wait a sec, I said that in my last post....

Let me start again.
First things were okay, then they were bad, then they were good, then they were really bad.
Since my arrival in NY, I had gone from 2 follicles to 1.
The ultrasound on Saturday showed that there were likely 3! Two more had continued to grow overnight. Things were looking up.
My husband arrived that morning and we spent a lovely day together.
The Sunday ultrasound confirmed that 3 were looking pretty good.
"We'll call you in the afternoon", said my doctor, "and let you know whether we'll be triggering tonight or tomorrow."

I was relieved, even happy. It looked this trip was going to be worth it afterall.

We walked down to 1st Ave and cheered on the 37,000 or so marathoners. We enjoyed a delicious brunch and I decided to call my cousin (telling him I was in town for work...lies, more lies) to see if he could join us for dinner. He and his wife picked us up at the hotel, and we headed to the village. I hadn't heard from the clinic yet, so I used his cell phone to call and see if they had any messages for me.
We'll have your doctor get back to you they said.

I was a few bites into dinner when the cell phone rang.
We're sorry, the doctor said.

You've surged. You're ovulating and we're cancelling the cycle.

This I was not prepared for.

Apparently, Antagon is able to suppress ovulation in 99.9% of women. I am in that 0.1% group that it doesn't work for.
Isn't that special?

We flew home yesterday. After a 3 hour drive (from the airport to our home), I had 2 hours to cry, unpack, eat dinner and have sex (..well, you never know). Then I got ready for a 3 hour drive to our nations capital to attend a meeting scheduled for today which I hadn't planned on attending because of my 'vacation' in NY. But I just couldn't face the prospect of going to my office today, and didn't want to be an empty house by myself.


At 4:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nina, I'm so sorry this whole thing has been such a mess. How unbelievably disappointing. Did the clinic not suggest doing an IUI at least? Or did you not think it was worth it? I hope they were suitably nice to you.

I will keep my fingers crossed that something good comes out of this cycle, and if not, that you can put together a plan for what you do next that you are excited about.

At 4:19 PM, Blogger Lut C. said...

What a disappointment after all the preparations you went through and effort of travelling to NY.

How can you prepare for things like this? It's just not possible.

Take good care of yourself.

At 6:45 PM, Blogger zarqa said...

I'm so sorry! On the bright side they did confirm ovulation for you and you timed "things" right so, like you said, you never know. Take care of yourself.

At 8:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry. Antagon sucks! I had a freeze-all, due to a P-4 spike, the one time I did it. I travel for IVF, too, and I feel your pain. Take care of yourself...

At 11:10 AM, Blogger Pamplemousse said...

Oh Nina, I was hoping that a miracle could be snatched out of the bag. I feel your frustration and I hope that you can recover from this latest blow. Take care, hon.

At 12:29 PM, Blogger Millie said...

Oh, Nina, I'm sooooo sorry. Take good care of yourself.

At 1:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, man, that sucks some serious ass. I really feel for you, it must be such a huge disappointment. I am so sorry.

At 2:23 AM, Blogger Teendoc said...


I know that "sorry" is never enough to remove the pain and disappointment when a cycle goes tragically wrong. The only thing that helped me at all was to make and follow a long-term all contingency plan.

When I made a plan saying that I would do x number of IVF attempts, x number of DE cycles/FET and then move onto adoption so that no matter what, I would be a mom, it helped me focus on the last bit: no matter what, I will be a mom, somehow, some way.

I do hope you feel better very soon.

At 3:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Best regards from NY!
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